I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
