end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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