Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize