She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
