Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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