how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
