I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
