i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
