imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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