What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
