Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
