this beer tastes like vomit already
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
