when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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