his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
