I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
