dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
