I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
