4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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