On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
