I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize