you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
