Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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