please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
