i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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