Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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