is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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