a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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