i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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