i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
