I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
