ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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