Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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