i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize