You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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