ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
