Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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