Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
