I met the friendliest cop last night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize