While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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