anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
