were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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