I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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