Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
