i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
