It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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