i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
