I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize