She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This house was built for laser tag.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
