Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
