3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
