I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
