you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
