hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
