Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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