Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
