In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
