Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
