the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
