I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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