I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
