fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
