i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
