had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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