I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
