After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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