Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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