It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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