Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
