glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize