I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
