Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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