so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
